The Easter Bunny Visits the Strawberry Kitchen (to make the World’s Best Egg Salad)

The only advantage of having COVID at Eastertime is that the Easter Bunny hops by for a visit, prior to his big night of hiding eggs, to wish you well.  Who knew?  Apparently EB is immune to COVID, so he sat on a stool at my kitchen island and sipped a sasparilla while I stirred up some salad with eggs I would’ve otherwise hidden for brunch guests (now canceled).  EB’s camera shy, so I didn’t snap a pic, but here’s a transcript of our conversation, which was delightfully free of rabbit puns:

EB: Your dog is making me nervous. Why is he drooling? Is he partial to hassenpfeffer?

BO:  Oh, heavens, no. Peanut’s just hoping for a dropped bit of red onion or celery.

EB:  Uh, dogs don’t like vegetables.

BO:  You obviously didn’t hear about the Great Guacamole Disaster of 2022.

EB:  I’ll take your word for it.  I see a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my line of work, but yours seem to peel so easily! What’s your secret?

BO:  It’s helpful to use brown eggs when hard-boiling, as it’s easier to tell when you’ve gotten all the shells off!  To hard boil a dozen eggs, fill a large pot with water and bring to a gentle boil.  Using a slotted spoon, gently lower eggs, one or two at a time, into the pot. Set your timer and gently boil (just above a simmer, really) for 11-12 minutes.  Then, and this is key, EB, using the slotted spoon, lower the eggs into an ice bath, and let them rest for 5 minutes.  Peel immediately.  The shells should come neatly off. You can store peeled eggs in the fridge for up to a week.

EB:  I also notice a nice, uniform chop of your eggs.

BO:  I slice each egg twice with an egg slicer, first length-wise, then width-wise.

EB:  A lot of folks in the south are fiercely loyal to their mayonnaise brand. 

BO:  I’m pretty impartial between Hellman’s and Kraft.  When one of them’s on BOGO at Publix, I load up. Miracle Whip, on the other hand, is a satanic invention.

EB:  “The World’s Best Egg Salad” is a bold claim.  What makes yours so special?

BO:  I always, always add curry powder to my egg, tuna or chicken salad.  And finely chopped red onion.

EB:  What if I like sweet pickle relish in my egg salad?

BO (recoiling):  I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that.

EB: I see you using organic salary.

BO: Celery is one of those things where I feel like I can really taste the chemicals on the conventional kind.

EB:  Any serving suggestions? I’ve got Santa and the Tooth Fairy coming round for lunch next week.

BO: I love a scoop of egg salad on a bed of greens with some sliced tomatoes, sliced apples and pita toasts.  If you’re being extra fancy, top the egg salad with some diced dried apricot and toasted almonds.  A perfect lunch! It’s also great on a sandwich with crusty, whole-grain bread.

Can I ask you a question or two? Are you like Santa, and can see us when we’re being naughty and nice?

EB:   Naw, I mean, who am I to judge?  This year, I’m leaving everybody a nice basket with some chocolate.  Except for Tucker Carlson.

BO: Makes sense. And the obvious question: how do you make it to all the houses in just one night?

EB: Two words: Amazon Prime. (cell phone buzzes):  Yikes! Gotta hop! My Uber’s almost here—be a pal and pack me some to go. Thanks for the recipe! And give my love to the Pegster!