The only advantage of having COVID at Eastertime is that the Easter Bunny hops by for a visit, prior to his big night of hiding eggs, to wish you well. Who knew? Apparently EB is immune to COVID, so he sat on a stool at my kitchen island and sipped a sasparilla while I stirred up some salad with eggs I would’ve otherwise hidden for brunch guests (now canceled). EB’s camera shy, so I didn’t snap a pic, but here’s a transcript of our conversation, which was delightfully free of rabbit puns:
EB: Your dog is making me nervous. Why is he drooling? Is he partial to hassenpfeffer?
BO: Oh, heavens, no. Peanut’s just hoping for a dropped bit of red onion or celery.
EB: Uh, dogs don’t like vegetables.
BO: You obviously didn’t hear about the Great Guacamole Disaster of 2022.
EB: I’ll take your word for it. I see a lot of hard-boiled eggs in my line of work, but yours seem to peel so easily! What’s your secret?
BO: It’s helpful to use brown eggs when hard-boiling, as it’s easier to tell when you’ve gotten all the shells off! To hard boil a dozen eggs, fill a large pot with water and bring to a gentle boil. Using a slotted spoon, gently lower eggs, one or two at a time, into the pot. Set your timer and gently boil (just above a simmer, really) for 11-12 minutes. Then, and this is key, EB, using the slotted spoon, lower the eggs into an ice bath, and let them rest for 5 minutes. Peel immediately. The shells should come neatly off. You can store peeled eggs in the fridge for up to a week.
EB: I also notice a nice, uniform chop of your eggs.
BO: I slice each egg twice with an egg slicer, first length-wise, then width-wise.
EB: A lot of folks in the south are fiercely loyal to their mayonnaise brand.
BO: I’m pretty impartial between Hellman’s and Kraft. When one of them’s on BOGO at Publix, I load up. Miracle Whip, on the other hand, is a satanic invention.
EB: “The World’s Best Egg Salad” is a bold claim. What makes yours so special?
BO: I always, always add curry powder to my egg, tuna or chicken salad. And finely chopped red onion.
EB: What if I like sweet pickle relish in my egg salad?
BO (recoiling): I’ll just pretend I didn’t hear that.
EB: I see you using organic salary.
BO: Celery is one of those things where I feel like I can really taste the chemicals on the conventional kind.
EB: Any serving suggestions? I’ve got Santa and the Tooth Fairy coming round for lunch next week.
BO: I love a scoop of egg salad on a bed of greens with some sliced tomatoes, sliced apples and pita toasts. If you’re being extra fancy, top the egg salad with some diced dried apricot and toasted almonds. A perfect lunch! It’s also great on a sandwich with crusty, whole-grain bread.
Can I ask you a question or two? Are you like Santa, and can see us when we’re being naughty and nice?
EB: Naw, I mean, who am I to judge? This year, I’m leaving everybody a nice basket with some chocolate. Except for Tucker Carlson.
BO: Makes sense. And the obvious question: how do you make it to all the houses in just one night?
EB: Two words: Amazon Prime. (cell phone buzzes): Yikes! Gotta hop! My Uber’s almost here—be a pal and pack me some to go. Thanks for the recipe! And give my love to the Pegster!
The World’s Best Egg SaladCourse: MainDifficulty: Easy
This recipe magically transforms into the world’s best tuna salad by substituting the eggs with 16 oz. (canned) solid white albacore tuna.
12 hard boiled eggs (see method above), peeled and cooled (OR, 4 small cans solid white albacore tuna, packed in water, drained)
1 cup mayonnaise
1 cup diced celery
1/2 cup diced red onion
1 tsp. curry powder
1/2 tsp. salt & 1/2 tsp. pepper, or to taste
Optional toppings: diced dried apricot and toasted slivered almonds (work equally well on tuna salad)
- Dice eggs (preferred method: use egg slicer first length-wise then width-wise) and add to large bowl.
- Add in celery and red onion
- Stir all together with mayonnaise
- Stir in curry powder, salt & pepper
- Serving suggestions: scooped onto a bed of lettuce, topped with dried diced apricots and toasted almonds, or as a sandwich, between two slices of multi-grain bread, with sliced tomato.